The man can flip over ambulances for Christ's sake! Just give him some King Kong music and let him wreck all the havoc his truck-sized heart desires. A wrestler as transcendentally awesome as Braun "The Monster Among Men" deserves a better theme than this generic slice of doom-y guitar noodling. Heath Slater's tag is "I Got Kids." The tag for whoever wrote this song should be "I Got Buckcherry CDs in My Car Stereo." Their flirty club bangers are the aural equivalent of a corkscrew burrowing into your cochlear.ĭo you ever wonder what a new C+C Music Factory song would sound like in 2018? Pretty sure it would sound a lot like Alicia Fox's theme. The only thing worse than when WWE goes hard rock for themes is when they try to do "sexy lady" themes. At best it might make good hold music for the answering machine at Roadrunner Records. It's big, loud, sweaty, and totally unremarkable in every way. The entrance music for Big Cass fits him like a glove. The only theme a wrestler as terminally lame as Hawkins deserves is an audio recording of him crying himself to sleep at night. However, it's ranked so low because it's Curt friggin' Hawkins' theme. It's busy and all over the place, but not boring. It's got a bit of Franz Ferdinand swing here, some epic Mega Man riffage there. On a musical level, this theme is actually kinda interesting. This cruiserweight's theme sounds like the guys from South Park tried to record a Boston parody, said screw it halfway through, and did Jefferson Starship instead. "Don't need your slick / Don't need your city." Ugh. Nia should use her considerable power and strength to put whoever wrote this abomination face-first through a table.ĭash Wilder and Scott Dawson's Southern-fried theme song is the kind of tune that's so over the top even Kid Rock would think twice about recording it. Most girls don't have a song as terminally lame as this one forever associated with their name. Her song is right: Nia Jax isn't like most girls. It's like the Muses just farted in the songwriter's ear and said, "Yeah, that's all we got." What else could explain how absolutely terrible most of the CW themes are? Mustafa Ali is actually pretty fun to watch work a match: He flips and jumps around with the grace of a ninja. Not only is the Cruiserweight division unpopular with the fans, it seems that the Muses themselves aren't keen on them. It's bad enough that the only gimmick WWE Creative could come up with for Tony Nese was, "Uh, he's got abs, I guess." Giving him a theme song that sounds like a high school metal band trying to cover Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy" is just kicking him while he's down.
It's 100 percent subjective.Įvery time the Big Show's theme plays a million dead bluesmen roll in their graves. The only intentional omission to our list is Kalisto (who was already ranked on our SmackDown list).Īnd now for the final caveat: There's no science to this. We tried to make the list as comprehensive as possible, but considering the size of the roster and how often folks drop in and out of active status, we may have missed some people. Active managers like Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon are represented in the rankings. Wrestlers that are currently working as valets, like The Miztourage and Dana Brooke, were not given individual entries. Some tag teams are represented by one entry, while other tag team wrestlers are ranked separately if each member does a lot of singles matches. We included the 205 Live cruiserweight division in our rankings since they're a part of the Raw show. We're doing it again, but this time for the "red brand." Before breaking down our ranked list of the Raw theme songs, some notes about our methodology. The last time the wrestling promotion brought back-to-back shows to the Valley, we celebrated the occasion by ranking all the wrestler theme songs on SmackDown Live. (Tickets are still available via Ticketmaster). The WWE will bring Raw and SmackDown Live back to Phoenix on February 19 and 20.
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